Stolen Fatherhood

To the Father of the child I aborted, 

It has taken me over 3 years to write this letter. Even knowing that you may never see it has not shielded me from the crippling pain of writing it down. How does one apologize for robbing someone of their child? You wanted her. We wanted her. In the name of “choice” I stole her away from you without a single care for your loss. The reality is, I didn’t get pregnant on my own. You were as much her Father as I her Mother. Only one of us was given the privilege to nurture her at her most vulnerable stage. I abused the power I had over both her life and yours. I stole life from our child and Fatherhood from you. 

You came home from work that day ready to greet us with love and affection, and I shattered your heart. At least I could own my choice. You were given none. Rendered powerless over your ability to save your own child. Told to leave and never come back. No amount of apology could suffice. 

I often wonder, are you married now? Does your Wife know the pain you endured? Does anyone? Have you had other children? Were you able to? Are you OK? What a trivial word to use, “OK”. Have you been able to heal from the loss of your first child? I know society hasn’t provided much space for your kind of grief and loss. That’s wrong! I remember the look of sheer terror on your face as my choice was proclaimed. Abortion hurt you too. 

In AA they teach that you shouldn’t make direct amends to someone if to do so could harm them or others. This is why I’m writing. My potential absolution is not worth the further damage it could inflict upon you and your possible family. 

Instead I give this public apology in the hopes that it will shed light on the layers of pain and destruction abortion causes. In an effort to help elevate the silent cries of men who were given no choice. To state that I will live the rest of my life advocating for unborn babies like ours whose voices are stifled before they can speak.

With deepest regret and remorse, 

Melissa 

P.s. I gave our daughter the dignity of a beautiful name, Ruthie Jean…