Will They Forgive Me?

I always knew that my abortion healing wasn’t just for me. It was clear that I was being called to share my experiences, strength and hope with other women (and men) who had walked through abortion. I felt led to support women in unplanned pregnancy situations to help them make life giving choices. I even believed God wanted me to rescue those being led to death (Proverbs 24:11) At first this all was very exhilarating! When you know that the call on your life is clear and God is with you, there is a peace and courage that you otherwise wouldn’t have. 

There was only one problem, I would have to tell my kids. It’s one thing to heal privately, it’s entirely different to share the intimate details of my life and my abortion with the world. Surly I wanted to tell them instead of some stranger on the internet. It didn’t take long for the fear to creep in. How would I tell them, when would I tell them, and what would they say? Would they forgive me?  After all, this was their sister! One they never got a chance to meet. What if they hated me because of my choice. I truly believed this was a possibility, and it was crippling me all over again. 

I took to Google and reached out to friends who I knew had shared about their abortions with their children, but nothing was giving me the courage I needed. There were several times I thought, “Ok, today is the day” only to loose confidence and cower at the thought of their rejection. At this point I felt scared and alone. I went from feeling the freedom of forgiveness to feeling stunted again in guilt and shame. The lies from the enemy crept in that I could never truly be free from what I had done. 

I wish I could tell you that something happened, someone said something that made it all feel ok. That wasn’t the case. However, what I do want to tell you is that if you are feeling the need to share your abortion story with your children…it is possible! The enemy is going to throw everything at you he can to convince you that it isn’t, but it is! I heard from a friend that “the enemy knows he can’t have you, so he wants to render you useless.” Do not give in to his lies! If God has called you to share your story please trust and believe that you CAN do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13) 

In the end I made the decision to tell them all separately. Although that meant a bit more vulnerability for me it gave me the opportunity to tailor each conversation to the child in front of me. Each one of them different and unique in the relationship we have, how they process and what this could mean for them. 

I am so thankful to say that they all forgave me! One was very supportive immediately telling me that nothing I could ever do could shake their love for me. One was very quiet and visibly shaken and or surprised never really saying much but since then is so supportive of all that I am doing. The other two cried and asked some questions that were emotionally challenging to answer, but God gave us the strength to get through the conversation and end it with hugs. 

Since then I now have four children who stand for life in their own ways. Two of them coming to the March for Life in DC to watch me share my testimony. One who often talks about and draws pictures of her Sister she never got to see. Another who sends me pro life posts to encourage me in my advocacy. 

I hope my story is an example that God truly does work ALL things out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Even our greatest mistakes. As painful as working it out may be, your story matters and God will give you the strength you are looking for.